Judgements and Assumptions

When you are a person of color and being in settings where no one looks like you can happen.

You get an assumption that people look at you because of stereotypes.

ms.b - I think some times people do make assumptions and stereotype. I think it's unfair but it happens. I also think if you know who you are, what others assume about you shouldn't matter to you.

You are right, but that is something he would need to work on.

You're right that you shouldn't care what other people assume or think about you but it's a tall order. Even when you've learned to handle situations with a brave face and a veneer of "don't care", hearts and feelings are tender. Ask my daughter. You've seen how she is a model of confidence and tough skin but I've seen her shatter with the wrong word or situation. She tells me that all past experiences come raining down on her in that moment. A lifetime of being judged second best. Be patient with this man if he has gone through the same.

woman - I'm trying to be. I recognize why he does it and do my best to let him know that he is never considered "less" by me.

If you have had to fight for decency for most of your life then I understand what he has said to you, we don't live in an ideal world unfortunately.

Lucky for us though there are many people including you Uni that do not judge a person by the colour of their skin, their job etc.

I think both your weaknesses and his make a good match, you know why? he can see yours and you can see his, the key is to understand them, never use them against each other. Talk often about them and support each other in moving on from those perceived weaknesses.

:-)

lu - I do understand how he came to be this way. I just hope it doesn't become one of the things that defines him as a person. He's much better than that. Despite often knocking heads, we do seem to have good communication skills.

I don't foresee "stereotypes" going away in our particular culture anytime soon, even though most educated people know how to look beyond them. I wasn't even looking at that part of your post as the most important part, though. I was reading how you put the phone down when you felt you were being told "how to think." I guess that's because that's one of my pet peeves! I HATE it when people do me that way! So good for you on that. Sounds like you are holding your own here, in any case.

wombie - LOL I'm glad you caught that. I have a low bullshit threshold and being told that I was wrong when I knew I wasn't and being told what was right gave me the option to walk away or say something ugly. I chose to walk.

better to walk and calm down than to fight it out and leave altogether.

I hope it doesn't define him either in the long run - we all have our quirks but some can get in the way of a good relationship.