Oh, Patrick. I miss you so much. I just want you back. I love William but NOOOOO I want you. You were my first and my only. I love you like no other. Why honey? Why did you choose the profession that was most dangerous. All the smoke. all the smoke and everything you breathed in and had in your system. Oh my yaar. My darling my beautiful beautiful boy. I love you with all of my heart and yours keeps sticking to mine. I just want to scream at you sometimes i miss you so bad. you'd think after all this time the pain would fade and it hasn't. This man is a good man but he's not you and for whatever reason tonight I just want to be with maboy. I love him but I want to be with you. I want to spend my evening with you. you on our computer i on mine. I have made omelets so often the past few weeks it's crazy. I love you like crazy. I love you! I just want to talk to you. is it cheating if i say i just want you tonight Patrick? I want to lie with you and feel you and be with you. Is it? will I get persecuted if i want you tonight? is that wrong? I don't even care. I love you Daniel Patrick. I love you with all my heart. Please anyone send me a private message if you find this to be wrong. Patrick, I want to feel you. I want to look at you and feel your head upon my bosom as you caress me and touch me and slowly take each piece of clothing off. I want you tonight. I want to hold you as you kiss me. I want you. I want you i want you. Maboy, I want you. I am literally screaming my body yearns for you. My hearts shrieks in agony for you. I know i can't have you back but come back please for a night. Patrick please. please. Who do i go to? What's Papa God gonna do Babe? what's God gonna do? tell me everything is ok? NO everything is not effing ok. Sometimes I feel like i want to just bitch at you for leaving but that's crazy irrational. Maybe i'll just climb on top of you and ride the crap out of you. I just want you and you and nothing but YOU! Damn i hurt so much tonight Patrick, please make it stop. please. I love you please come lay with me. Let me please you. Let me show you that you are maboy. Patrick I beg you please. please my boy. I miss Mr. Nubbins and your hands on me. If this is too explicit take it off. Patrick, I'm distraught. I've never felt so alive and so dead at once. Here something spectacular is taking flight and I have nights like this that make me want to crawl into your clothes and sob. I love you so much. how could i truly love another when my heart is shriveling in the grave next yours? I love you with all of my heart maboy. Please know that. I found some of our pictures and videos. I want to please you again. People are like gotta have your booty call. No my love, I need loved. I need loved by my husband. William won't try because he's not pushing anything and I don't have premarital sex. I just want you. I want my husband. The man I love. I'm gonna love you tonight Patrick my dear. I wish I could please you again. Your pleasure is mine. It's not even about sex. It's just that I want to serve you again. Who else do i have to serve? I love you Patrick with all of my heart. Don't leave me tonight. Stay with me my love. Stay and please me and love me. Please love me then rest by my side. You my knight in shining armor saved me my entire life. I am forever grateful for you. Please come to my side and let us enjoy one another. booty call my butt. I need you. I need you back. I need you I need you I F***ing need my best friend. I just want to scream at you and love you and how can i do that? I love you maboy. I don't want to let go. I don't want to let go. They aren't gonna make me let go my yaar. Please trust me. I love you too much. I'm going to go to bed now. Come meet me there my love. I will be waiting and I promise you I won't let you down. I love you so much so much. Papa God help.