Maybe I smoked too much as a kid but I'm totally lost as to what reality is.
Lets start simple. We do not remember the past accurately. Countless psychology studies have shown this. Take something that happened ten years ago, tell the story to someone who wasn't there and get someone who was to tell them the same story. Therefore, there is no record of the past. It exists, but in what context? What happened yesterday? What happened today? With nobody remembering the same thing the same way, and no accurate record of the past, we don't know what has happened.
So who are you? How can you even begin to quantify who you are? You can't, you can guess. I like to think I'm calm under pressure, but tats only from evidence - the evidence being when I'm under pressure I perform well. Does this mean I can claim the attribute? How do you define 'calm under pressure' and is it the same as my definition, and does that mean even though I may think I'm calm under pressure, assuming I continue to follow that definition to my standards does that mean I'm the same by yours? After all, pressure to me and you could be different things.
Right, so we don't know what's happened previously to now or who we are.
The universe is growing. Or shrinking. We don't know which. We're just a speck lost in this spectacular size of the universe. We are not significant at all. We exist for a blip, a flicker of light in an eternity of darkness. Before the universe there was something, or there wasn't and after the universe there may be nothing or something, if the universe ends. Assuming the universe has a start and a finish, what happened before the universe? Seeing as there was nothing before this, how can something come out of nothing? If there was nothing, then time is irrelevant because it doesn't exist outside of our universe, so whatever we are in, which is mostly empty black space anyway, does that even really exist?
One thing is for certain, its all futile. After you die that's it. Humans won't live forever. Even if the universe does survive billions of years, humans haven't got many more thousands left. I mean look at us. There'll be nobody left to remember in a thousand years or so. Your children, your grandchildren, their grandchildren.... They will all die out, in a flicker of time compared to the vast eternity of the universe. If we ourselves are even real, that is, and we're not just a dream, a concept, a grey mist in the nothingness of eternity....
Maybe the universe is fictional. Maybe we don't exist. One thing is for certain, its all futile.
Revel in futility of life. Ride, fuck, drink, smoke and enjoy. That's all there is.