In other events with me, I'm trying to figure out where to start to get myself feeling back on a good track. I'm also trying to remind myself not to be so hard on myself, or to be negative. Right now I (we) are in a very large transitional phase. We're taking over my husband's farm, and we're taking over at home. As soon as I get the internet and new computer going, my dad has asked me to seek out documents or assistance with putting our home in my name. We've also taken on a large amount of the financial responsibilities here, so that is as it should be, and we've also been putting more effort and money into improving the place. My FIL is also putting my husband's name on various things related to the farm, including insurance, vehicles, equipment, bank accounts, farm accounts, etc. That's been keeping us pretty busy.
Recently I feel like I've gotten into a pretty negative streak, feeling like nothing is going to work out, that we're constantly overloaded, and the littlest of things seem to be the 'straw that broke the camel's back' and I wind up getting mad, frustrated or just feeling like crying. Because of this, I've chosen one place to start. I'm going to begin listening to the meditation CD that CW sent me a long time ago. CW, again, I can not thank you enough and my heart swells every time I think about how kind you were to do that and how much good it has done me in the past. Speaking of how good it's done me in the past, it also makes me wonder why I stop doing it after a while. Then I guess we're all like that in a way. Something works, things level out, life is good, and we think we don't need the aides anymore ... and we find out we're wrong. Interesting.
Work has been utter hell lately. I found myself seriously contemplating doing something that would have gotten me fired earlier today out of sheer frustration. I also found myself really wondering why I was still dealing with this crap, and then calculating if I thought we could truly just live in my husband's income again for a while until I found something else. Times are tough in this economy, so I'm gonna stick with it because finding something else might not happen. Either way, today was not good at all. We were terribly short staffed, and it seems to be that way more and more lately. People just take off whenever they want and it's like they don't even think about how that's going to strain everyone else. It also didn't help that our systems were ALL down this morning. Way to start the week, right? Then let's add in that twice today, I was almost driven to the point of tears. Both times it was because of a patient driving me to it. I had two of them today just chew me up and spit me out, completely rip into me and make me feel like crap.
One of the ladies is just a problem patient in general and I've already had problems with her, however I'm not the only one so I've been told and reassured by many others not to take it personally and not to worry about it. The other patient is also a bit of a problem, and a whiner, and if things aren't going her way she raises holy hell. Today she did just that, and accused me of ignoring her. I did not ignore her. Two patients signed in before her and were told to have a seat, then she signed in (she's on oxygen as well), and then another pair of patient signed in and were told to have a seat. At this point I had 13 (literally) phone calls coming in at the same time and was by myself. So in between phone calls I told her I'd like to get her checked in so she didn't have to get back up and come up. I was pushing her ahead of two patients already. But because I was also answering calls in between trying to get the previous patient finished and her checked in, she got all huffy because I didn't tell her to sit down and she's on oxygen. Well, I guess I was wrong to think that she wouldn't want to have to get right back up and walk up here. I mean, geez, she was standing up there for two minutes. But no, she went into a fifteen minute long tirade at me and made me feel about as big as an ant. Old nag.