Just A bit More

In other events with me, I'm trying to figure out where to start to get myself feeling back on a good track. I'm also trying to remind myself not to be so hard on myself, or to be negative. Right now I (we) are in a very large transitional phase. We're taking over my husband's farm, and we're taking over at home. As soon as I get the internet and new computer going, my dad has asked me to seek out documents or assistance with putting our home in my name. We've also taken on a large amount of the financial responsibilities here, so that is as it should be, and we've also been putting more effort and money into improving the place. My FIL is also putting my husband's name on various things related to the farm, including insurance, vehicles, equipment, bank accounts, farm accounts, etc. That's been keeping us pretty busy.

Recently I feel like I've gotten into a pretty negative streak, feeling like nothing is going to work out, that we're constantly overloaded, and the littlest of things seem to be the 'straw that broke the camel's back' and I wind up getting mad, frustrated or just feeling like crying. Because of this, I've chosen one place to start. I'm going to begin listening to the meditation CD that CW sent me a long time ago. CW, again, I can not thank you enough and my heart swells every time I think about how kind you were to do that and how much good it has done me in the past. Speaking of how good it's done me in the past, it also makes me wonder why I stop doing it after a while. Then I guess we're all like that in a way. Something works, things level out, life is good, and we think we don't need the aides anymore ... and we find out we're wrong. Interesting.

Work has been utter hell lately. I found myself seriously contemplating doing something that would have gotten me fired earlier today out of sheer frustration. I also found myself really wondering why I was still dealing with this crap, and then calculating if I thought we could truly just live in my husband's income again for a while until I found something else. Times are tough in this economy, so I'm gonna stick with it because finding something else might not happen. Either way, today was not good at all. We were terribly short staffed, and it seems to be that way more and more lately. People just take off whenever they want and it's like they don't even think about how that's going to strain everyone else. It also didn't help that our systems were ALL down this morning. Way to start the week, right? Then let's add in that twice today, I was almost driven to the point of tears. Both times it was because of a patient driving me to it. I had two of them today just chew me up and spit me out, completely rip into me and make me feel like crap.

One of the ladies is just a problem patient in general and I've already had problems with her, however I'm not the only one so I've been told and reassured by many others not to take it personally and not to worry about it. The other patient is also a bit of a problem, and a whiner, and if things aren't going her way she raises holy hell. Today she did just that, and accused me of ignoring her. I did not ignore her. Two patients signed in before her and were told to have a seat, then she signed in (she's on oxygen as well), and then another pair of patient signed in and were told to have a seat. At this point I had 13 (literally) phone calls coming in at the same time and was by myself. So in between phone calls I told her I'd like to get her checked in so she didn't have to get back up and come up. I was pushing her ahead of two patients already. But because I was also answering calls in between trying to get the previous patient finished and her checked in, she got all huffy because I didn't tell her to sit down and she's on oxygen. Well, I guess I was wrong to think that she wouldn't want to have to get right back up and walk up here. I mean, geez, she was standing up there for two minutes. But no, she went into a fifteen minute long tirade at me and made me feel about as big as an ant. Old nag.

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creativewoman said over 3 years ago ...

Kill them with kindness, Hege. That's all you can do. You know as wishy washy as I am in real life, I never let people push me around when I was working before I got married. My motto was "firm, but nice". I had an RN tell me one time that she had never seen anyone tell someone off in such a nice way in her entire life. She was amazed. I worked to get Medicaid approval for juveniles within the state and from other states. It could be a snippy world. I documented, documented, documented. When I knew I was right, I didn't back down, but I was nice about it. That seems like a lifetime ago.

You are very welcome for the CD. I still do my meditation nearly every day. I've come to miss it if I don't.

Hang in there.

You just have to find a groove. :-)


hegemone said over 3 years ago ...

CW- yeah, I'm definitely still working to find that groove, at work and at home. Some days are good, some days I struggle, but I figure eventually it'll level out. I'm too stubborn to let it continue too long. I just need to fight back a little harder when it all piles up on me like it has been lately. Work was exceptionally tasking today and I have a good feeling that it wouldn't have been such a big deal if I hadn't been so overwhelmed and fully aware that I didn't have back up...and that the nurses were intentionally ignoring calls and requests...and that someone had called off because they didn't 'feel like' coming in. It all just accumulated and I now know I need to work harder at being able to handle those types of scenarios.

soaringraven said over 3 years ago ...

I'm guessing you work in a doctor's office. Older people can be a tad grumpy, espsecially when they know they are going to be prodded and poked.


msstar39 said over 3 years ago ...

Hege just hang in there, but send out resumes while you are being patient and pray that something else come up. Good luck.

skald said over 3 years ago ...

Yes, you sure are overloaded at the time being. No wonder you are tired. I can second that what msstar says. Good luck to you.

wombat said over 3 years ago ...

Popping in to say hi before I have to shut down. I need more time!

Sounds like you are overloaded and ovewhelmed lately, but keep in mind that you are doing so much good. Hope you can smile and muddle through the muck, and maybe find a position with less stress.

hegemone said over 3 years ago ...

Soaring - Yup, I do work in a doc's office. I'd be more understanding if it was all elderly people being grumpy ... but a good chunk of them are my age too ... they just come in with automatic attitude.

MsStar - I'm definitely still keeping my eyes peeled for other opportunities, and MAKING other opportunities little by little.

Skald - There's always so much going on and I feel a 'halt' coming on where I just can't take anymore and blow everything off for a little while.

Wombie - I'm trying to keep in mind that what I'm doing is for the good in the long run, some days it's just more overwhelming than others.

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