Letting Loose

Well, I suppose it's time to jump in feet first and see where it gets me. Boy have I longed to be able to REALLY blog again. I tried another place, but I just couldn't keep up the motivation to really post a blog. I guess there just weren't enough other understanding, familiar people to share with. So here I am, time to take a dive ...

Let's see, at the moment things are up in the air with me, or at least that's how I feel. Everything's sort of crazy, unpredictable and exhausting. Nothing quite seems to be working out with any sort of ease, I'm jumping hurdles on a regular basis and it's beginning to get really tiring. I'm also feeling quite smothered by 'people'. Most of them are family, a couple are friends. In general, I forsee myself pulling back into my shell soon, not wanting to socialize with anyone for a while. That'll, of course, bring on the annoying 'Are you mad at me?' phone calls, at which point I'll have to explain that I am not, but that I was just getting overloaded and needed some time to myself.

Health wise, my gosh, I am struggling SO hard but I feel like I'm standing in an oil slick and just not getting anywhere. That, or for every two steps forward, I take three steps back. I don't even know what it is that's truly the problem. I mean, I KNOW my time is different and that makes a difference, and I know my husband has sort of lost the urge to actually help say 'no' to the bad stuff. Beyond that though, I just don't know what's gotten in to me. I think never having any energy or time to myself doesn't help either, because I'm usually so tired after work I can't imagine exercising and doing physical labor ON PURPOSE, and of my own choice. When the weekend hits, I'm generally too busy with other things to get in a walk, or anything else. Also, there are many times where it's a choice between leisure, relaxation time or exercise, and I'm sorry, I find that I need my leisure time and I've not yet gotten it to click in my brain that exercise CAN be leisure time too. Maybe one day ...

As of recently I've also been having my share of technology frustration. Long story short, the high speed internet and cable didn't happen because it turns out the morons did not take into account that there isn't even a cable running to the main power pole outside my house. The next bit of line down is about a mile away and it could cost around $1200 just to get the line run to me. Eh, no thanks. No other providers offer me service in my area, and the one major one that did was outrageously priced. So after some deliberation, much frustration, being told 'No, I'm sorry' many times, I finally decided to go with something else and my broadband router is en route to me at the moment. I'll be paying more than I wanted to for it, but I'm tired of being in the stone age. Oh, and I discovered that I can't even put dial up on my new computer because it only has a network cable jack, no regular phone jack. Isn't that just a slap in the face? Ah well, so hopefully soon I'll be able to get the internet on that puppy, get it up and register everything so I can use stuff (weird how most of the programs I want to use require registering first before I can actually get into it). So at the moment, it's a very fancy game console. :-)

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creativewoman said over 3 years ago ...

Maybe you should go have a check up, Hege. There could be a lot of reasons why you are tired. I found that out the hard way.

I know what you mean though. It helps a lot to get things off of your chest sometimes.


uniquely-learning said over 3 years ago ...

I'm glad you're getting broadband, it's very fast! A little more patience and you'll be zooming along.

hegemone said over 3 years ago ...

CW- I suspect I know why I'm tired... Increased work hours (part time to full time anyway) and a lot less healthy eating. I just gotta find a way back to the wagon. Unloading via blog helps a lot though, because stress taxes me quite a bit more than I should let it too.

Uni- yeah, lol, my patience is being severely exercised lately, that's for sure.

silverphoenix said over 3 years ago ...

I totally get your frustration with technology, hege! Sorry to hear you are feeling overloaded, and when those phone calls come, I hope they won't be too annoying. Just imagine how much they care about you to even call! (Coming from the person that pretty much always has to initiate contact with people to get any friend time in with them--which I hate always having to be the one to initiate contact). K, thanks for letting me do a mini-dump just there. Sorry. Chin Up, tough cookie! :)

skald said over 3 years ago ...

Sounds like you are overloaded with too much work and too little time for your self. You must fight for some time for your self. Your technical problems don't sound good. I am sorry. Hope things will be better for you very soon, yes and do get a check up by a doctor, just in case.

hegemone said over 3 years ago ...

Silver - Sorry I didn't quite get back to this comment right away, still trying to fit time in to get through all of this and remembering to go back to posts, lol. I think the only reason the calls get annoying are because more than likely, the people who call would have already been told that I just need some space because life's getting too thick and I need some time to myself. They've had it explained that it's not them, but they still call. Oh well, at least they call, as you mean.

Skald - Yeah definitely a lot of overload going on. There's always just so much and it feels like there's never enough time to just do what I WANT to do, instead it's always interrupted by what I HAVE to do ... or what I WANT to do doesn't work out somehow.

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